Another How to Land a Job and the Oh Shut Up Awards

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Does anyone else find themselves rolling their eyes and yelling “oh shut up!” at the endless amount of “advice” out there about what to do next to get a job? These articles usually target a specific age group… you know the age group most likely to “click” and up the viewing of that particular website.  I feel like most of these inspirational wisdoms are inspired while some of these people are on the toilet scheming for ways to increase the number of readers on their website. I’m not trying to really knock anyone’s hustle but COME ON!  Here is one of the titles I have awarded the Oh Shut Up award!

“To land a job, take these six college courses”

Oh just six classes is it? Where was this brilliant article about 8 years ago! I could have just saved myself so much money and sleepless nights.

I’m not going to further insult your intelligence by listing these six classes but I will tell you one of them is Theater Arts (don’t be mad at me Theater Kids) and classes that are typically a requirement to get a High School Diploma in the United States.

Although this article meant well by trying to illustrate that “The ability to speak in public, to write a succinct, grammatical business email, to do certain math operations beyond addition and subtraction could mean the difference between being one of the growing number of unemployed grads or one setting off on a long and fulfilling career.” Breaking News?  I guess so.

The reason this well- meaning article had me screaming oh shut up, and maybe it’s just my ignorance, is because when was the last time on a job application that you had to show that you can do math beyond subtraction and addition? Well I guess there are those assessments some organizations misuse to automatically disqualify candidates… but still you get my point). I don’t know about you but my free education courtesy of the Nebraska Public Schools Systems already provided me with the ability to do math beyond subtraction and addition all before I was 12 year old.

I would also like to know in this day and age who has ever been given a job because they simply took a class their competitor didn’t take.  I’m sure you’re out there and I would like to know you, because I have so many questions.

Here is my advice, it may warrant a shut up award as well. But seeking advice and looking for ways to improve is important. Do keep in mind a lot of the advice out there has absolutely no validity. You may notice many of them popping up during graduation season, because to many of these “advisors” this time of the year is what Christmas is to retailers. So sorry taking these six classes may provide you with skills to improve yourself but it will probably not automatically take you out the unemployment line.

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I APPLIED FOR A HOOKING POSITION

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                                                                                                                                           Photo copied from http://www.flickr.com/photos/paulogazelle/76622455/

Filling out endless amounts of applications all comes with the territory of being entry level, but some of the nonsense that I have been coming across lately has really been contributing to me going insane!   I keep talking about this particular application I came across with anyone and everyone that will listen because I am still completely annoyed with what happened.

You see I was filling out this poorly developed application (this is my field I know this stuff) for about 30 minutes when all of a sudden I was hit with the most ridiculous question yet! I was asked my marital status. Some of you may think okay Erika what is the big deal? Just answer the question.

Well unless you are some very cute man with a Caribbean accent about to buy me a Watermelon Long Island at the club, my marital status has nothing to do with you or your stupid application. Does my husband somehow increase or decrease my ability to perform the duties you are seeking from a candidate? Where is the logic!

As I assess the entire situation the only logical conclusion I can come up with is that I was really filling out an application for some creepers who are looking for singles to be a part of their “organization” AKA the street corner. Maybe the application was developed in another country where a woman’s marital status determines if she can work or not.

Either way, these folks need to hire people like me that will develop more effective applications to maximize  quality talent pool, but no… they are too busy hiring people with 20 years of experience who continue the same pointless practices they have been doing for the past 20 years( such as developing horrible applications). Yet these organizations ask for innovation. HA! If you want innovation hire someone who barely remembers Reagan and can tell you their favorite Power Ranger! I’m talking about a Millennial dang it!  And more specifically I’m talking about this millennial!

Pregnant & Seeking Employment: Pregnant Girl Problems

Ok, so if you are a business nerd like myself you probably heard a little something about Yahoo taking on Marissa Mayer on as their new CEO even though she was six months pregnant ( Yes I know this is old news, but I have a point, hang in there). This of course brought out all sorts of unnecessary debates about what this means for woman. I think the part that mostly had people up tripping was Mrs. Mayer plans to take a short maternity leave after having her baby. Queue Salt and Pepper’s “It’s none of your business.”

Whatever your opinion of her may be is really not the point of today’s topic. You see, Mrs. Mayer or would it be best to say Ms. Mayer? Anyway Marissa has been fortunate enough to establish a career that speaks for itself. She truly is a force to be reckoned with and to Yahoo this pregnant CEO was the savior they needed to turn things around.

But what about the rest of us? You know, the equally if not more ambitious new generation of woman. Logging on to job board sites, networking, reading, writing, basically doing everything Yahoo told you to do to get a job ( don’t deny it) with the hopes some employer will take the chance on you to show them you too are a force to be reckoned with. FYI this Midwest gal lives in Texas now, so I get a kick out of using words like “reckon” and “ya’ll.”

Anyway like I was saying the equally ambitious women who also happen to be four to six months pregnant, but unlike Marissa are just starting their career. What do you do?!?

I will just go ahead now and out myself by saying I am currently in this situation.  I am hungry to start my career but had a birds and bees moment with my hubby, now I’m knocked up and some people keep trying to convince me to hold off on job hunting because I am going to be going on maturity leave in some months. But I don’t want to; maybe it’s the crazy stubborn millennial in me, but I don’t see what the problem is with me starting a new job 5 to 6 months pregnant. I went back to school and work three weeks (could have been sooner but my baby was almost 10 lbs, physically it wasn’t possible) after having my daughter, granted I couldn’t stand for more than 10 minutes at a time. I was able to do what I needed to do. Bonding is clearly not an issue for us because when my baby is hurt or in a bad mood, I’m the only one she wants; whenever I come home she does a little joyful welcome celebration for me. So IN YO FACE bonding fanatics.

In all seriousness what do we entry-level women do? Do we just hold off, have baby, and then start our career. Or do we keep on trucking?  Do you let employers know at the interview stage that you are in fact pregnant? Or just let them think you’re just pleasantly plump (which not going to lie, I am)?

I heard everything you said Sheryl Sandberg about the ambition gap and what not. I’m not one of the ones bringing us down, when I was a kid I wanted to be a judge; in fact I wanted to be Judge Judy. What do you have to say about this situation? Chime in O wise ones.